How to Stop People-Pleasing (Without Becoming Cold or Selfish)

How to Stop People-Pleasing (Without Becoming Cold or Selfish)

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How to Stop People-Pleasing (Without Becoming Cold or Selfish)

People-pleasing is often misunderstood. From the outside, it can look like kindness, generosity, or being “easygoing.” But on the inside, it usually feels like anxiety, self-silencing, and the constant fear of disappointing others. If you struggle to say no, feel responsible for everyone’s emotions, or regularly put your needs last, you’re not broken — you learned to survive by staying agreeable.

Many people-pleasers grew up in environments where love, safety, or approval felt conditional. Maybe conflict wasn’t allowed. Maybe you were praised for being “good,” “quiet,” or “helpful.” Over time, your nervous system learned that keeping others happy was the safest way to stay connected. The problem is that what once protected you now keeps you disconnected from yourself.

Stopping people-pleasing doesn’t mean becoming selfish. It means becoming honest.

The first step is awareness. Start noticing when you say yes but feel resentment, exhaustion, or dread afterward. These feelings are signals that you crossed an internal boundary. Your body often knows before your mind does. Tightness in your chest, a sinking feeling in your stomach, or sudden irritability can all be signs that you’re overriding your own needs to maintain harmony.

Next, practice pausing. People-pleasers often answer automatically because they’re afraid of discomfort. Instead of responding right away, try saying, “Let me think about that,” or “I’ll get back to you.” This small pause gives you space to check in with yourself: Do I actually want to do this? Do I have the time and energy? Is this aligned with what I need right now?

Learning to tolerate guilt is another key part of healing. When you start setting boundaries, guilt will likely show up — not because you’re doing something wrong, but because your nervous system is adjusting to a new way of being. Guilt is the emotional echo of old rules that said you had to keep everyone else comfortable. You don’t need to obey it. You can feel guilty and still say no.

It’s also important to reconnect with your own wants. Many people-pleasers aren’t sure what they like, need, or prefer because they’ve spent so long focusing on others. Try simple daily check-ins like: What do I feel? What do I need? What would be kind to myself right now? The more you practice listening inward, the easier it becomes to act from authenticity rather than fear.

Finally, remember that healthy relationships can survive disappointment. You are allowed to have limits. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to take up space. The people who are meant to be in your life will adapt to the real you — not the version of you who is constantly bending to stay accepted.

Letting go of people-pleasing is not about pushing others away. It’s about finally letting yourself be included. When you stop abandoning yourself to keep the peace, you create relationships that are based on honesty, mutual respect, and genuine connection — and that’s where real belonging begins.

This post was written by New Hope Counseling. 

If you’re interested in setting up an appointment with one of our Licensed Therapists, contact us at 502-712-9604. Make the first step today.

Journaling Prompts for Emotional Processing

Journaling Prompts for Emotional Processing

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Journaling Prompts for Emotional Processing

Journaling is often recommended as a mental health tool, but many people feel unsure where to start. Staring at a blank page can be overwhelming—especially when emotions feel intense, confusing, or hard to name. Emotional processing through journaling isn’t about writing the “right” thing or finding immediate clarity. It’s about creating space to notice, express, and make sense of what’s happening inside, at your own pace.

Emotional processing means allowing yourself to experience feelings without rushing to fix, judge, or suppress them. Journaling supports this by slowing the mind, engaging the body through writing, and offering a private place to explore thoughts that may feel unsafe or messy to say out loud. Over time, this practice can increase emotional awareness, regulation, and self-compassion.

Below are therapy-informed journaling prompts designed to help with emotional processing. You don’t need to answer all of them at once. Choose one or two that feel accessible, and let your responses be imperfect.

Prompts to Identify and Name Emotions

Many people struggle not because they feel “too much,” but because they don’t have language for what they’re experiencing. These prompts help build emotional awareness.

  • What emotions feel most present for me right now?

  • Where do I notice these emotions in my body?

  • If this feeling had a color, texture, or temperature, what would it be?

  • What emotion do I wish I wasn’t feeling? Why?

Naming emotions reduces their intensity and helps the nervous system feel more regulated. There’s no need to analyze—simply noticing is enough.

Prompts to Explore Emotional Triggers

Emotions often have roots in experiences, memories, or unmet needs. These prompts help you gently explore what may be underneath a reaction.

  • What happened just before this feeling showed up?

  • Does this emotion feel familiar from earlier in my life?

  • What does this situation remind me of, even if it doesn’t make logical sense?

  • What need might this emotion be pointing to?

Approach these questions with curiosity rather than interrogation. You’re gathering information, not building a case against yourself.

Prompts for Emotional Validation and Compassion

Many people journal in ways that unintentionally increase self-criticism. These prompts help shift the tone toward understanding and care.

  • Given what I’ve been through, why does this emotional response make sense?

  • What would I say to a friend who felt this way?

  • What part of me feels unheard or misunderstood right now?

  • What does this feeling need from me—not what does it need me to fix?

Validation doesn’t mean you like or agree with the emotion; it means you acknowledge its presence without shame.

Prompts for Processing Difficult or Stuck Emotions

Some emotions linger because they haven’t been fully expressed or acknowledged. These prompts allow space for release.

  • If I allowed this emotion to speak freely, what would it say?

  • What am I afraid would happen if I fully felt this feeling?

  • What am I holding onto that feels heavy or unresolved?

  • What would it be like to let this emotion exist without rushing it away?

If emotions feel overwhelming, pause, ground yourself, and return later. Processing should feel challenging but not destabilizing.

Prompts to Integrate and Move Forward

Emotional processing isn’t about staying stuck in feeling—it’s about integrating what you’ve learned.

  • What has this emotion taught me about myself?

  • What boundary, choice, or change might support me moving forward?

  • What feels most important for me to remember right now?

  • What is one small, supportive step I can take after writing this?

A Gentle Reminder

Journaling is not meant to replace therapy, nor should it feel like a test or obligation. Some days, writing one sentence is enough. Other days, you may write pages. Emotional processing is nonlinear, and insight often comes later—sometimes quietly, sometimes unexpectedly.

The goal isn’t to feel better immediately. It’s to build a relationship with your inner world that’s rooted in honesty, patience, and compassion. Over time, that relationship becomes a powerful source of emotional resilience.

This post was written by New Hope Counseling. 

If you’re interested in setting up an appointment with one of our Licensed Therapists, contact us at 502-712-9604. Make the first step today.

Getting Through the Day When Everything Feels Heavy

Getting Through the Day When Everything Feels Heavy

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Getting Through the Day When Everything Feels Heavy

There are days when everything feels heavier than it should. Getting out of bed takes effort. Small tasks feel overwhelming. Your body may feel tired, tense, or slow, and your thoughts might sound critical or hopeless. On days like these, it’s easy to wonder what’s wrong with you—or why things that seem simple for others feel so hard.

The truth is, feeling heavy is a very human experience. It’s often a sign that your nervous system, emotions, or energy reserves are under strain. Stress, grief, depression, burnout, seasonal changes, or unresolved emotional pain can all show up this way. And while it may not be visible to others, the weight you’re carrying is real.

When everything feels heavy, the goal isn’t to “fix” the day or suddenly feel motivated. It’s to get through the day with as much care and gentleness as possible.

Start by lowering the bar

On heavy days, productivity standards that work on “good” days may no longer be realistic. And that’s okay. Try shifting from an all-or-nothing mindset to a “what’s manageable right now?” approach.

Instead of asking, What should I be doing? try asking, What is one small thing I can do that supports me in this moment? That might be brushing your teeth, eating something simple, answering one email, or stepping outside for fresh air. Small actions still count, especially when your capacity is limited.

Focus on basics before expectations

When emotional weight is high, your nervous system often needs regulation before reasoning or motivation can return. Prioritize basic needs first:

  • Have you eaten something today?

  • Have you had water?

  • Have you rested your eyes or body, even briefly?

Meeting basic needs isn’t a cure, but it can soften the edges of the heaviness enough to make the day feel slightly more tolerable.

Let your body lead when your mind feels stuck

On heavy days, thinking your way out of how you feel rarely works. Instead, gentle physical actions can help signal safety to your nervous system. This might look like stretching, taking a slow walk, holding a warm mug, or placing your feet firmly on the ground and noticing your breath.

These aren’t meant to force you to feel better—they’re meant to help you feel a little more present and supported in your body.

Practice compassionate self-talk

Notice how you speak to yourself when you’re struggling. Many people default to harsh inner commentary: I’m lazy. I should be doing more. Why can’t I handle this? While understandable, this kind of self-talk often adds another layer of weight.

Try responding to yourself the way you would to someone you care about. You might say, This is a hard day. It makes sense that things feel heavy. I don’t have to solve everything right now. Compassion doesn’t remove the struggle, but it can reduce the shame that often comes with it.

Give yourself permission to not explain

You don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation for having a low-capacity day. It’s okay to cancel plans, ask for help, or move more slowly without justifying yourself. Boundaries are a form of self-respect, especially when your emotional resources are low.

Remember that heaviness is not permanent

When you’re in it, heaviness can feel endless. But emotions and nervous system states are not fixed—even when they return again and again. Getting through the day doesn’t mean you’re stuck here forever; it means you’re doing what you need to survive this moment.

If heavy days are happening often or starting to interfere with your ability to function, it may be a sign that extra support could help. Therapy can provide space to understand what’s contributing to the weight you’re carrying and help you build tools to navigate it with more support and self-compassion.

For now, if today feels heavy, know this: getting through the day—however imperfectly—is enough. You don’t need to carry everything at once.

This post was written by New Hope Counseling. 

If you’re interested in setting up an appointment with one of our Licensed Therapists, contact us at 502-712-9604. Make the first step today.

Seasonal Mood Changes: How to Protect Your Mental Health

Seasonal Mood Changes: How to Protect Your Mental Health

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Seasonal Mood Changes: How to Protect Your Mental Health

As the seasons change, many people notice shifts in their mood, energy, and motivation. You might feel more tired, less focused, or emotionally heavier—even when nothing in your life has objectively changed. These experiences are common, and they don’t mean something is “wrong” with you. Seasonal transitions can affect the nervous system, biological rhythms, and emotional regulation in ways that are subtle but meaningful.

Understanding what’s happening beneath the surface can help you respond with more compassion and care.

Why Seasonal Transitions Affect Mental Health

Changes in daylight, temperature, and daily routine all influence the body’s internal clock. Shorter days can disrupt circadian rhythms, which play a key role in sleep, mood, and concentration. Reduced sunlight can also impact serotonin levels, a neurotransmitter involved in emotional stability and well-being.

Seasonal shifts often bring changes in behavior as well—less time outdoors, reduced social interaction, and disrupted routines. For people with anxiety, depression, trauma histories, or sensory sensitivity, these changes can feel especially destabilizing. Even positive transitions can create stress when the body has to recalibrate.

Rather than viewing these responses as weaknesses, it can be helpful to see them as signals that your system is adjusting.

Lower the Bar Without Giving Up

One of the most supportive things you can do during seasonal transitions is to adjust expectations. Many people respond to seasonal fatigue by pushing harder, which often leads to burnout or increased self-criticism.

Lowering the bar doesn’t mean disengaging from life. It means identifying what is essential and allowing non-urgent tasks to take up less space. This might look like simplifying meals, scaling back social commitments, or redefining productivity for a season. Gentle consistency is often more sustainable than forcing high output.

Support Your Nervous System First

When mood and energy shift, the nervous system often needs more regulation, not more pressure. Simple grounding practices can help create stability during periods of change.

This could include maintaining a consistent sleep-wake schedule, spending time near natural light in the morning, or incorporating small moments of movement throughout the day. Even brief rituals—such as a warm drink in the morning or a few minutes of intentional breathing—can signal safety and predictability to the body.

You don’t need an elaborate self-care routine. What matters most is regularity.

Stay Connected, Even When It Feels Hard

Seasonal changes can increase the urge to isolate, especially when energy is low. While rest is important, complete withdrawal can intensify feelings of loneliness or depression.

Connection doesn’t have to mean socializing in the same way you do during high-energy seasons. It might look like sending a text instead of meeting in person, choosing quieter interactions, or spending time with people who require less emotional labor. Maintaining some level of connection can help buffer against mood dips.

Be Curious Instead of Critical

It’s common to judge yourself for seasonal changes in motivation or mood. You might notice thoughts like, “I should be doing better” or “I’m being lazy.” These responses often increase distress rather than resolve it.

Instead, try approaching seasonal changes with curiosity. Ask yourself what your body and mind might need right now. This shift from self-criticism to self-inquiry can reduce shame and create space for more responsive care.

When to Seek Additional Support

If seasonal mood changes significantly interfere with daily functioning, relationships, or self-care, professional support can be helpful. Therapy can offer a space to explore patterns, develop coping strategies, and address underlying factors that make seasonal transitions more difficult.

Seasonal changes are a natural part of life. Supporting your mental health during these times isn’t about fixing yourself—it’s about learning how to move with change rather than against it.

This post was written by New Hope Counseling. 

If you’re interested in setting up an appointment with one of our Licensed Therapists, contact us at 502-712-9604. Make the first step today.

The 5-4-3-2-1 Method: Grounding Yourself in the Moment

The 5-4-3-2-1 Method: Grounding Yourself in the Moment

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The 5-4-3-2-1 Method: Grounding Yourself in the Moment

When anxiety rises, it can feel like your mind is racing ahead while your body struggles to keep up. Thoughts become loud, your heart beats faster, and suddenly everything feels a little less steady. In these moments, grounding techniques can help bring you back into the present moment, reconnecting you with your surroundings and your sense of safety. One of the most accessible and effective grounding tools is the 5-4-3-2-1 Method—a simple sensory exercise you can practice anytime, anywhere.

Grounding techniques work by anchoring your awareness to the here and now rather than the “what ifs” or the overwhelming emotions you may be feeling. They interrupt spiraling thoughts, engage the nervous system, and offer a pathway back to balance. The 5-4-3-2-1 Method is especially useful because it doesn’t require any equipment or privacy. Whether you’re in a meeting, walking to your car, or lying awake at night, this technique can gently guide your attention away from internal distress and toward external stability.

How the 5-4-3-2-1 Method Works

This grounding practice uses each of the five senses to gradually dial down anxiety. As you move through the steps, you shift your attention from your internal experience to what is physically around you. The process is slow, intentional, and helps re-engage the rational part of the brain that often goes offline during stress.

Here’s how it works:

5 – Notice Five Things You Can See

Begin by looking around your environment and identifying five things you can visually observe. These can be simple: the texture of a wall, a spot on the floor, a plant, the shadow of a chair. Take a moment with each item and name it either out loud or silently to yourself.

4 – Notice Four Things You Can Physically Feel

Shift to the sense of touch. What can you feel against your skin or under your hands? The weight of your body against a chair, the coolness of a glass, the softness of your clothing, the ground beneath your feet. Noticing physical sensations helps bring you into your body and out of your thoughts.

3 – Notice Three Things You Can Hear

Pause and listen. What sounds can you identify around you? Maybe it’s distant traffic, the hum of an appliance, birds outside, or your own breathing. This step encourages you to tune in to your environment at a deeper level.

2 – Notice Two Things You Can Smell

Take a gentle breath in and notice two scents. They might be faint or familiar—coffee, soap, fresh air, the scent of the room you’re in. If you can’t detect any smells immediately, you can think of two scents you enjoy. The goal is to engage your olfactory sense in some way.

1 – Notice One Thing You Can Taste

Finally, bring your awareness to taste. Maybe it’s a lingering flavor from your last drink or meal, mint from toothpaste, or simply the neutral taste in your mouth. If nothing is noticeable, you can imagine a taste you find comforting.

By the time you reach the final step, you’ll likely notice your breathing has slowed and your mind feels more grounded. Each sense pulls you further out of anxious patterns and back into the present.

Why This Technique Works

The 5-4-3-2-1 Method activates the parasympathetic nervous system—your body’s natural calming response. When anxiety triggers your fight-or-flight system, your brain becomes hyper-focused on threat. Grounding techniques like this one use sensory awareness to send a message of safety back to the brain: “I’m here. I’m safe. I can slow down.”

This method is also highly effective because it’s concrete. Instead of trying to “stop worrying,” you’re giving your mind a clear, structured task that gently redirects it.

A Tool You Can Carry With You

One of the greatest strengths of the 5-4-3-2-1 Method is its practicality. You can use it discreetly during stressful conversations, before a presentation, at night when your thoughts won’t settle, or anytime you need to feel more grounded. With practice, it can become a natural part of your emotional regulation toolkit.

Grounding doesn’t erase anxiety, but it does give you a way to reconnect with the present moment—right where your power actually is.

This post was written by New Hope Counseling. 

If you’re interested in setting up an appointment with one of our Licensed Therapists, contact us at 502-712-9604. Make the first step today.

Coping with Holiday Stress: Finding Calm in Chaos

Coping with Holiday Stress: Finding Calm in Chaos

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Coping with Holiday Stress: Finding Calm in Chaos

As the holiday season approaches, the world around us begins to hum with energy — bright lights, festive music, endless lists, and social plans that stretch from morning coffee to late-night wrapping sessions.

For many, this time of year brings joy, connection, and tradition. But for just as many others, it stirs up something different: stress, exhaustion, and emotional overload.

If you’ve ever found yourself feeling more frazzled than festive, you’re not alone. The holidays can amplify existing stressors — financial pressure, family dynamics, loneliness, or the weight of expectations — making what’s “supposed to be” the most wonderful time of the year feel like one long marathon.

So, why is this time of year so stressful, and how can we navigate it with more intention and compassion?

1. The Pressure to Be Joyful

From commercials to social media, we’re bombarded with messages that the holidays should be magical. There’s an unspoken rule that we must feel grateful, happy, and connected — even when life is complicated or painful.

When our inner experience doesn’t match the outer image, it can create guilt and shame.

It’s okay if your holidays don’t look like a movie. You can feel grateful and lonely at the same time, or joyful and overwhelmed. Allowing space for mixed emotions — instead of forcing constant positivity — helps reduce anxiety and makes the season feel more real.

2. The Weight of Expectations

The holidays often come with long to-do lists: buying gifts, attending events, hosting family, decorating, baking, and more. For many, it becomes a season of performing rather than experiencing. When expectations outweigh your capacity, burnout isn’t far behind.

Try this gentle reframing: “What matters most to me this year?”
Maybe it’s spending quality time with one loved one, rather than attending every gathering. Maybe it’s creating moments of peace instead of perfect meals. Scaling back doesn’t mean doing less — it means doing what matters most with more presence.

3. Family and Emotional Triggers

Family gatherings can stir up old dynamics, unresolved conflicts, or feelings of loss. Even when we love our families deeply, being around them can surface complicated emotions.

Before entering a stressful situation, take time to ground yourself. This might mean setting boundaries (“I can only stay for two hours”) or having an exit plan if you need space.

Remember: protecting your peace isn’t rude — it’s self-care.

4. Managing Financial Stress

Gifts, travel, and social plans can add up quickly. When financial stress collides with social pressure, it’s easy to feel inadequate or guilty for not “doing enough.”

But the best gifts aren’t always material — they’re presence, kindness, and time.

If you’re feeling stretched thin, communicate openly with loved ones. Suggest alternatives like shared experiences, handmade gifts, or simply spending time together. Often, others feel the same relief when someone breaks the cycle of financial overextension.

5. Creating Space for Rest and Reflection

In the midst of the chaos, remember that you deserve rest — not as a reward for getting everything done, but as a basic human need.

Try scheduling small moments of quiet: a morning walk, a few deep breaths before bed, or simply saying “no” without guilt.

Reflection can also be grounding. Ask yourself:
What do I want to carry into the new year, and what can I let go of?

The holidays can become a time not just of celebration, but of reconnection — with yourself and what truly matters.

Final Thoughts: A Kinder Holiday Season

The holiday season can bring both warmth and weariness. It’s okay to experience both.

Giving yourself permission to step back, slow down, and honor your emotional needs is not selfish — it’s essential.

As you move through the coming weeks, remember: joy doesn’t have to be loud or perfect. Sometimes, it looks like a quiet evening, a deep breath, or the decision to do less and feel more.

This post was written by New Hope Counseling. 

If you’re interested in setting up an appointment with one of our Licensed Therapists, contact us at 502-712-9604.

Simple Grounding Techniques That Actually Work

Simple Grounding Techniques That Actually Work

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Simple Grounding Techniques That Actually Work

When anxiety, stress, or intrusive thoughts start to spiral, grounding techniques can bring you back to the present moment. The idea sounds simple — “just stay present” — but in practice, it can feel impossible when your mind is racing or your body is flooded with adrenaline. Grounding isn’t about forcing calm or pushing feelings away; it’s about gently anchoring yourself in now so your nervous system can begin to settle.

Here are a few grounding techniques that actually work — simple, portable tools that help you reconnect to safety when you start to drift into panic, dissociation, or overwhelm.

1. The 5-4-3-2-1 Method

This is one of the most well-known grounding exercises because it works quickly and engages multiple senses.
Look around you and name:

  • 5 things you can see

  • 4 things you can touch

  • 3 things you can hear

  • 2 things you can smell

  • 1 thing you can taste

If you can’t find something for one category, that’s okay — just focus on the others. The point is to gently redirect your attention from your thoughts to your sensory environment. By naming what’s real and present, you’re signaling to your brain that you’re safe in this moment.

2. Temperature Change

Your body’s stress response often runs hot — your heart rate spikes, palms sweat, breathing quickens. Using temperature can interrupt that loop.
Try holding a cold object (like an ice cube, a chilled water bottle, or even running your hands under cool water) and focus on the sensation. Alternatively, place a warm heating pad or blanket on your chest and feel the contrast between warmth and your heartbeat.

Temperature shifts activate the vagus nerve, which helps regulate the body’s relaxation response — grounding you both physically and emotionally.

3. Move Your Body (Even a Little)

Grounding isn’t always stillness. Sometimes, movement is what helps you come back into your body.

  • Stand up and press your feet into the floor, noticing how the ground supports you.

  • Take a slow walk around the room, naming what you see as you go.

  • Try stretching — reach up, roll your shoulders, shake out your hands.

Gentle movement reminds your body that it has agency and that the moment of danger has passed. This is especially effective after flashbacks or anxiety attacks, when your body still feels “stuck” in survival mode.

4. The “Name It” Technique

When emotions or memories feel overwhelming, it can help to simply name what’s happening.
Try saying to yourself:

“I’m feeling anxious right now.”
“I notice my chest feels tight.”
“This is a stress response — it will pass.”

Labeling your experience activates the logical part of the brain and softens the intensity of emotion. It’s not about analyzing or fixing — just acknowledging, kindly, what’s there.

5. Use Your Breath Intentionally

You’ve heard it before — take a deep breath. But grounding breath is more specific than just inhaling deeply.
Try this pattern: Inhale through your nose for 4 counts, hold for 2, exhale through your mouth for 6.
That longer exhale triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, the part that slows your heart rate and says, “You’re safe now.”

You can also pair your breath with a phrase like “in with calm, out with tension.” It’s a small reminder that you have influence over your inner world, even when the outer one feels chaotic.

A Final Thought

Grounding doesn’t make hard feelings disappear — it makes them manageable. It helps you re-enter your body, your breath, your moment, so you can respond instead of react. Different techniques work for different people, so experiment until you find what fits.

The next time you feel detached, overwhelmed, or lost in thought, try one of these tools. Sometimes the simplest practices — feeling your feet on the floor, noticing the air against your skin — are the ones that bring you home to yourself.

This post was written by New Hope Counseling. 

If you’re interested in setting up an appointment with one of our Licensed Therapists, contact us at 502-712-9604.

Book Review by Carrie Hunter

Book Review: The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck; A Counterintuitive Approach to Living A Good Life by Mark Hanson

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Book Review: The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck; A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Hanson

 

I was at my favorite used-books-and-coffee shop (Yay!  Mickey’s in New Albany, Indiana) and this book was on display near the cash register:  The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck; A Counterintuitive Approach to Living A Good Life by Mark Hanson.  I rarely leave Mickey’s without a book, so I bought it.

 

I felt a delicious sensation of rebelliousness, a sneaky feeling.  Like I was doing something “frowned upon”.  In my life experience as a white middle class farm girl in the 1960s and 70s I didn’t hear the word “fuck” at all.  And then when I did hear it, ……..  There are many confused threads here about my relationship with that word.

 

So back to the book.   The main concept he’s addressing is that people (me, too) often tend to care too much about things, to get bent out of joint about things.  Sometimes so much that we make changes to our lives, have panic attacks, live with depression, get pissed. Mark weaves information from psychology, sociology, his life experiences, and more into understanding how a person got to that stance and into ways to change that stance.

 

Why should I give a fuck that I give too many fucks?  Having been a licensed mental health care provider for nearly 30 years, I’ve learned that our thoughts and emotions are intricately involved with our body processes.  Caring about anything at all is laced with many body systems: heart rate, breathing, cortisol, thyroid, and so on.  (Here, “caring” can mean empathy or anger or disgust or other strong emotions.) When I  care about something (too much?) while talking about it three years after it’s over, my body systems get activated and that happening chronically is simply not good for body function.  Don’t get me wrong, there are many things that we should care about!  There is an important balance between me being an advocate with strong emotions and me being too hypervigilant that my appearance is being judged when I’m at happy hour.  How can I find a good balance between caring and CARING, and how can I let go of things that aren’t a big deal in my life at this moment.  How did my client’s end up caring too much and how can I help them not give a fuck?

 

Back Marks nine chapters.  In Chapter 1, Don’t Try. Mark writes about feedback loops.  In Happiness Is A Problem, Chapter 2, he discusses how beliefs that we hold and sometimes don’t know that we are holding, influence our perspectives and how we feel.  For example, some believe that we should always be happy in every moment and if we’re not, then something is wrong. In Chapter 3, You Are Not So Special, Mark discusses entitlement.  Entitlement can be so subtle that we aren’t aware it’s a factor in our beliefs.  Chapter 4, The Value of Suffering, discusses our values, where we get them, how well or poorly we act in service of our values, Chapter 5, You Are Always Choosing, was a favorite of mine.  We tend to think that life happens to us, that people say mean things, and that does occur.  What is also true is that we are always choosing what we do or say in response to these experiences.  We just don’t realize that we’re always choosing!  Chapter 6 is titled, You’re Wrong About Everything (and so am I).  Read it.  Here’s a line from this chapter, “When we let go of the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, we free ourselves up to actually act (and fail) and grow.

 

When reading Chapter 7, Failure Is The Way Forward, I was like, “Duh!” Why didn’t I think of that?  I failed at walking several times before I got good at it.  We all fail all the time!  It’s not a failure, it’s information for my learning about which I make a choice about how I perceive this information.  I wouldn’t get that information if I hadn’t tried to do the thing.   (refer back to Chapter 5.)    Chapter 8 is The Importance of Saying. “No”.  We must give a fuck about something in order to value something.  When we say, “no” to something we are valuing something else.  And, Chapter 9 is And Then You Die.  Mark is asking, What will be your legacy?.  In the long run, will it matter that I  gave a fuck about that thing back in 1972?  It might, I might have changed a moment in someone’s life.  Then again, it might not have made a difference.  Maybe it was me having a moment of giving too many fucks about something when I could have done something else.

This is a book review of Mark Hanson’s The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck; A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life 

Written by Carrie Hunter, LMFT

Carrie Hunter, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Louisville, KY - Book Review

Carrie Hunter is a therapist at New Hope Counseling. 

She is trained in EMDR, working with trauma, and more. if you are interested in setting up an appointment with Carrie, call New Hope Counseling at 502-712-9604.

Using Acupressure Points as a Calming and Self-help Strategy

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Acupressure is an adaptation of acupuncture.  Acupuncture is an ancient healing intervention.  Though recently western science has been able to pinpoint the ways that electricity moves within the human body, many world cultures held this knowledge intuitively.   Here’s a simple analogy.  Sometimes there’ is a “short” in electrical wiring.  The signal doesn’t flow smoothly due to a break in connection along the way.  Sometimes we might use duct-tape to keep the connection intact so that the electricity can move smoothly.  It is understood that some, perhaps many, mental and physical ailments can be seen as problems with the electricity flow in the human body, problems with the electrical flow.  Energy clogs or too much energy can manifest as depression, muscle aches, nausea, panic, etc.  Stimulation of certain points on meridians, energy pathways, can get the electricity flowing smoothly again.  Acupuncture is administered by a trained professional and uses the insertion of tiny needles into certain points on a meridian.  Acupressure is the application of light touch, tapping, and/or sometimes circular movement of a finger on a certain point on a meridian.  Here are some examples to try.

The Emergency Acupressure Point

You can use your dominant or your non-dominant index finger for this movement.  Using your index finger, touch the back of your other hand.  Put your finger between the pinky joint and the ring-finger joint where these joints meet the back of your hand.  Move your finger slightly toward your wrist, about a quarter of an inch.  There’s a slight groove or depression there.  Leave your finger lightly touching this spot for a few seconds.  Many people have reported that they feel a relaxing of the body: breathing slows down, shoulders relax, etc.  You can use this in public and no one will notice.  This is great for times such as: nervousness at a meeting, standing in a long line, while on the phone with someone, etc.

Knee Points

There are several points surrounding your knees.  There are also several points on the many parts of your hands.  Bringing these together can smooth out energy flow.  When you have a couple of minutes of quiet time (really, it only takes 1-2 minutes), sit with both feet on the floor.  Place your palms over and slightly at the top of your knee cap.  You can feel your kneecap; it’s sort of circular.  Now, drape your fingers over the top part of your lower leg.  Spread your fingers out.  Each finger will stimulate a point as well as a point on your palm will be stimulating a point on your knee.  Hold this position for a few minutes.  This position can be used in conjunction with meditation, prayer, or other mindfulness exercises.

Nausea/motion sickness points

You can spend money on pills or ‘nausea bands’ or you can learn to stimulate your acupressure points for free!  Do this to find the points near your wrists.  Either wrist will work.  Turn your hand so that your palm is facing you.  Bend/flex your wrist; you can see the wrinkles there.  Place the three middle fingers of your other hand crosswise on your wrist with your ring finger at the bend.  This gives you the distance from the wrist bend to the point.  The tip of your index finger will be at the acupressure point.  You can lightly touch this point, or you can lightly bounce your finger against the skin.  Do this for a few seconds to a minute.  Many people report a reduction in nausea.  Also, for double the action, you can simply lay the inner surfaces of your wrists against each other so that the two points are touching each other.

Pictures of 6 pressure points that alleviate anxiety (medicalnewstoday.com)

Written by Carrie Hunter, LMFT

Carrie Hunter is a therapist at New Hope Counseling.  She is a certified EMDR therapist and EMDR consultant.  She specializes in working with adults who are LGBTQ, have experienced dissociation, religious trauma, or complex trauma.

New Hope Counseling, Therapy for Anxiety and depression in Louisville, Kentucky

Decreasing Anxiety and Depression

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Many clients ask me for tools to begin helping to decrease their anxiety and depression. Research shows that one thing you can do is slow down and appreciate one thing at a time. Our rush to do many things at once keeps us from appreciating and savoring each aspect of our lives.

Try doing one activity and focus on only that activity. For example, slowing down to fully appreciate a meal. Savor each bite and appreciate the aroma, fullness and warmth from the food, creates happiness. We miss this everyday in our busy rush of checking cell phones, going to meetings, and heading out the door. Doing this can give you time, not only to slow the rush of life but to allow you to increase the moments of happiness and appreciation during your day. This may seem small but adds up to have an effect.

Take the time to choose at least one or two things each day to slow down to be completed with no distractions, such as talking to your partner or friend, watching television, reading, taking a bath, etc. Truly take the time to appreciate the moment and savor it without judgment. Don’t get disappointed if it does not go your way. Life is full of ups and downs, you will have another chance. You will begin to see changes in your mood.

I think I might just go savor a hot cup of tea.

For more information, you can contact New Hope Counseling by calling 502-712-9406.

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