Book Review: The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck; A Counterintuitive Approach to Living A Good Life by Mark Hanson
Book Review: The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck; A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Hanson
I was at my favorite used-books-and-coffee shop (Yay! Mickey’s in New Albany, Indiana) and this book was on display near the cash register: The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck; A Counterintuitive Approach to Living A Good Life by Mark Hanson. I rarely leave Mickey’s without a book, so I bought it.
I felt a delicious sensation of rebelliousness, a sneaky feeling. Like I was doing something “frowned upon”. In my life experience as a white middle class farm girl in the 1960s and 70s I didn’t hear the word “fuck” at all. And then when I did hear it, …….. There are many confused threads here about my relationship with that word.
So back to the book. The main concept he’s addressing is that people (me, too) often tend to care too much about things, to get bent out of joint about things. Sometimes so much that we make changes to our lives, have panic attacks, live with depression, get pissed. Mark weaves information from psychology, sociology, his life experiences, and more into understanding how a person got to that stance and into ways to change that stance.
Why should I give a fuck that I give too many fucks? Having been a licensed mental health care provider for nearly 30 years, I’ve learned that our thoughts and emotions are intricately involved with our body processes. Caring about anything at all is laced with many body systems: heart rate, breathing, cortisol, thyroid, and so on. (Here, “caring” can mean empathy or anger or disgust or other strong emotions.) When I care about something (too much?) while talking about it three years after it’s over, my body systems get activated and that happening chronically is simply not good for body function. Don’t get me wrong, there are many things that we should care about! There is an important balance between me being an advocate with strong emotions and me being too hypervigilant that my appearance is being judged when I’m at happy hour. How can I find a good balance between caring and CARING, and how can I let go of things that aren’t a big deal in my life at this moment. How did my client’s end up caring too much and how can I help them not give a fuck?
Back Marks nine chapters. In Chapter 1, Don’t Try. Mark writes about feedback loops. In Happiness Is A Problem, Chapter 2, he discusses how beliefs that we hold and sometimes don’t know that we are holding, influence our perspectives and how we feel. For example, some believe that we should always be happy in every moment and if we’re not, then something is wrong. In Chapter 3, You Are Not So Special, Mark discusses entitlement. Entitlement can be so subtle that we aren’t aware it’s a factor in our beliefs. Chapter 4, The Value of Suffering, discusses our values, where we get them, how well or poorly we act in service of our values, Chapter 5, You Are Always Choosing, was a favorite of mine. We tend to think that life happens to us, that people say mean things, and that does occur. What is also true is that we are always choosing what we do or say in response to these experiences. We just don’t realize that we’re always choosing! Chapter 6 is titled, You’re Wrong About Everything (and so am I). Read it. Here’s a line from this chapter, “When we let go of the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, we free ourselves up to actually act (and fail) and grow.
When reading Chapter 7, Failure Is The Way Forward, I was like, “Duh!” Why didn’t I think of that? I failed at walking several times before I got good at it. We all fail all the time! It’s not a failure, it’s information for my learning about which I make a choice about how I perceive this information. I wouldn’t get that information if I hadn’t tried to do the thing. (refer back to Chapter 5.) Chapter 8 is The Importance of Saying. “No”. We must give a fuck about something in order to value something. When we say, “no” to something we are valuing something else. And, Chapter 9 is And Then You Die. Mark is asking, What will be your legacy?. In the long run, will it matter that I gave a fuck about that thing back in 1972? It might, I might have changed a moment in someone’s life. Then again, it might not have made a difference. Maybe it was me having a moment of giving too many fucks about something when I could have done something else.
This is a book review of Mark Hanson’s The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck; A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
Written by Carrie Hunter, LMFT
Carrie Hunter is a therapist at New Hope Counseling.
She is trained in EMDR, working with trauma, and more. if you are interested in setting up an appointment with Carrie, call New Hope Counseling at 502-712-9604.
